George, you’re not really handicapped, are you?
I’ve had my difficulties.
I saw you running down Amsterdam Avenue
lifting that 200 pound motorized cart with one hand.
Mr. Thomassoulo during times of great stress,
people are capable of super human strength.
Have you ever seen the Incredible Hulk, sir? - No.
How about the old Spider Man live action show?
George, I’ve realized we’ve signed a one-year contract with you,
but at this point I think it’s best that we both go our separate ways.
I don’t understand.
We don’t like you. We want you to leave. Clearer
So you’re staying at Play Now?
Why not? Pay is good.
I got dental, private access to one
of the great handicapped toilets in the city.
But they not you aren’t handicapped, aren’t you ashamed?
They’re the ones who should be ashamed.
They signed me to a one-year contract.
As long as I show up for work every day, they have to pay me.
Hey Hello-o-o-o!
Hello-o-o-o Elaine! What’s that?
Oh, it’s just this stupid thing.
Well, I’m sure it’s stupid. It’s not about me, is it?
No-o-o-o. Not at all.
Tell me! All right.
You know this girl Clare I am seeing? Yeah.
Well, he and I starting joking that when
she falls asleep her stomach stays awake
all night and talks to me. - How is it talking?
Well, her belly button is like a mouth. "I’m bored. Talk to me."
Oh, I gotta start taking these "stupid" warnings more seriously.
Hey, look whose here - Puddy.
My Puddy? But we broke up.
And yet he continues to live.
Hey Benes, How are you?
I’m doing great.
Great. See ya.
Well, that’s it. You two are back together.
What?
The bump into. The bump into always leads to the backslide.
David and I will not be getting back together.
Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine.
You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times,
and then it goes over. That’s beautiful.
What about you?
ou were even engaged, and you cut it off just like that.
That’s different.
I didn’t have feelings for those people. But you, you’ll backslide
You want to bet? Stakes?
All right. Witness? Witness.
Done. Percentage?
No.
So I’ll call you tonight? Yeah.
What’s wrong with the belt?
I went to the movies last night,
I went to the bathroom and I unbuckled a little wobbly
wobbly and the buckle kind of banged
against the side of the urinal. So...that’s it!
So, you’re insane? Oh yes, quite.
Hello! Of course it’s a sliding scale.
Catch you later. Hello-o-o-o!
La la la. La la la.
Look at this, they are redoing the Cloud Club.
Oh, that restaurant on top of the Chrysler building?
Yeah, that’s a good idea.
Of course it’s a good idea, it’s my idea.
I conceived this whole project two years ago.
Which part?
The renovating the restaurant you don’t own
part or spending the two hundred million
you don’t have part?
You see I come up with these things,
I know they’re gold, but nothing happens. You know why?
No resources, no skill, no talent, no ability, no brains.
No, no...time! It’s all this meaningless time.
Laundry, grocery, shopping, coming in here talking to you.
Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment?
I can ball park it.
Hello-o-o-o!
Here we go; now she comes in.
Now my whole day is shot!
Hey, I called you last night, where were you?
I went out with a friend.
George? No, no...no.
Well, I was here, that’s everyone
Are those the same shoes as yesterday?
Oh, you know I wear these shoes all the time.
Your hair, it’s somewhat de-poofed.
It’s the new look. You know Heroin Cheek?
Wait a second, what’s going on here?
Nothing, nothing.
You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday!!! You saw Puddy!
Hoochie moochie.
Hand it over. Pay up.
No! It’s an isolated, sexual incident. We are not back together!
Then what do you call it?
People don’t just bump into each other and have sex.
This isn’t cinemax.
It was no big deal OK?
I mean we fooled around, then we went out and grabbed a little dinner.
Ah, dinner! That’s it, you’re all the way back!
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy.
That’s like an hour.
Man, 2.9 percent financing on a Toyota Onedun . That was my idea too!
Good Morning! Go to hell!
Hi Allison, that’s a nice dress
Don’t even look at me.
Hey Glenn! Hey, go tell hell!
Heard that one already.
...So that’s the bedroom. Here’s the bathroom.
If you need to, you can familiarize yourself with the kitchen...
Yeah, go ahead and look through some of the drawers.
And you are?
Oh, hey, I’m Darren. I’m new here
Yeah, that’s Jerry, you don’t have to worry about him.
Why don’t you go across the hall and get started on that mail.
Right! He’s a go getter!
Who’s he? My intern from NYU.
Well, you remember my corporation, Kramerica Industries.
Alright.
Well, apparently NYU is very enthusiastic about their students getting
some real world corporate experience.
But you only provide fantasy world corporate experience.
Well, this will really free up my time
so I can focus on more important things, like my bladder system.
Alright, it’s time to go.
Jerry, it’s not for people, it’s for oil tankers.
I know!
You see the idea is for a rubber ball inside the tanker so if it crashes,
the oil won’t spill out. Actually, that is not a bad idea.
yeah! Now, it’s time to go.
Hello Hello-o-o-o.
Seize montality, Jerry. They really want me out of here.
They’ve downgraded me to some sort of a bunker.
I’m like Hitler’s last days here.
So, are you going to leave?
Oh no! I’m vigilant.
They’ll never get me out. I’m like a weed, Jerry.
I thought you’re like Hitler in the bunker?
I’m a weed in Hitler’s bunker.
I’m getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff.
I’m getting another call, see ya... Hello!
Hi, this is Darren from Kramer’s office.
Mr. Kramer would like to schedule a lunch with you at Monk’s coffee shop.
Really? When?
In 10 minutes. Do you need directions? No, I don’t.
Well, I’ll call back in 5 minutes to confirm.
Yeah, 5.
Hey! Hey! So, where’s my money?
No money, I am Puddy free. So, are we eating or what?
Oh yeah, hold on.
Hello Darren, this is Jerry from Jerry’s office.
We’re going to be three for lunch.
Hey, Elaine is going to come with us, alright?
What? When did this happen? Well, just...
DARREN!
I am not calling Puddy. What did I do with my gloves?
Oh, I bet I left them over at Puddy’s.
I should call him. I need those gloves. No, I better not. I’ll call.
Oh, look at that! There are the gloves. I was just about to call.
There they are. That’s funny.
That’s really funny. That’s really really funny.
You know who loves funny stories, David Puddy.
Well, Play Now is through playing.
They turned the heat way up in my office.
They tried to sweat me out.
Do you have to write all this stuff down.
Well, Mr. Kramer is in a meeting with
Mr. Lohmase and he didn’t want to miss anything.
So, how hot did it get?
I don’t know, 120, 130...
Then they sent some guys to sandblast for 6 hours.
Tomorrow they are putting in asbestos.
I guess you can take anything, but actual work.
Bring it on!
Hello-o-o-o Kramer! Wel-l-l-c-o-m-e!
Sorry I couldn’t get out of there, what did I miss?
Well, after ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza
debated on whether or not iron man wore some sort under garment
between his skin and his iron suit... Uh huh...
And I still say he’s naked under there!
Oh that makes a lot of sense. Oh, shut up!
...Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom,
at which point Mr. Costanza scooped ice
out of Mr. Seinfeld’s drink with his bare hands
using it to wash up then Mr. Costanza
remarked to me, "This never happened."
What’s so funny? Oh, nothing.
What are you laughing about? Tell me.
Oh all right, this is really dumb, really stupid.
We’ve been doing this silly, dumb voice.
So is it fun humiliating me? No, it’s not you.
It’s your stomach, he’s taking with this funny, booming, jovial voice.
Hello-o-o-o. So you think I’m fat?
No it’s...
Mr. Kramer says, "hey buddy!"
Hey, we’re kind of in the middle of something here.
Would you mind coming back later?
Oh yeah sure, sure. Should we set something up now?
GET OUT! I’m leaving too.
No body said you’re fat. He’s a loving character, like the Kool-ade guy.
He is fat!
No, he’s just a little bloated.
Good-bye! It’s mostly water weight.
Boysenberry, the kid is still learning.
Mr. Kramer...Dean, my internship is on line two,
she wants to set up a meeting.
Yeah, well nothing before noon. Line two?
Yeah, your phone is line one.
Oh...
So the gloves were right by the phone. That is pretty funny.
See, this is what Jerry’s doesn’t understand.
We can see each other. We can see each other every day,
but it doesn’t mean we are back together.
I mean I love just seeing you and having sex
Not having to do all that... you know...work.
Well, either way...
All that calling you, and buying you stuff...
David...
Caring about how everyone at work isn’t as smart as you. It’s brutal.
Alright that’s it! We’re back together!
Oh, no. Oh, yeah.
Look Elaine, be reasonable.
Get those clothes off.
You’re going to spend the night and we’re going to cuddle.
What? You heard me. Strip!
Alright......OK....
Hello Margery, George Costanza. How are you sweet heart?
Listen, can you give Mr. Thomassoulo a message for me? ...
Yes. If he needs me, tell him I’M IN MY OFFICE! Thanks.
Dean Jones, you wanting to talk to me?
I’ve been reviewing Darren’s internship journal. Doing laundry...
...Yeah.
...Mending chicken wire, hi-tea with a Mr. Newman.
I know it sounds pretty glamorous,
but it’s business as usual at Kramerica.
As far as I can tell your entire enterprise is more than a solitary man
with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.
And with Darren’s help, we’ll get that chicken.
I’m sorry, but we can’t allow Darren to continue working with you.
Well, I have to say this seems capricious and arbitrary.
You fly is open.
So you’re sure you’re not still angry about last night?
No, I’m fine.
Just as long as you don’t ever do that voice again.
Never? Never.
What about if you’re not around? No!
So I have to choose between seeing you and doing the voice?
That’s right. I can do that.
So what’s your decision? I don’t know.
Jerry...HI.
Hello-o-o-o. La-la-la.
You broke up with her? Why?
So we could do the voice.
La-la-la. What’s the matter?
I think I’m getting tired of it.
I mean is that all it does? Hello? La-la-la?
No, it can do anything.
It can be Spanish. Hola. Hello-o-o-o.
I think I like the girl better than the voice.
Really?
Hello-o-o-o.
Still? I told you.
Alright, here you go, choke on it
See, never bet against the backslide.
I knew you two would get back together.
Yeah, well not for long. I’m breaking up with him.
No, I don’t think so. I’ve seen you two together.
You make each other miserable. It’s kismet.
Double or nothing. Done.
Witness? You’re in there again.
I think Play Now is putting something in my food.
Alright, I’m out of here.
What is this? I don’t know.
I found them in your closet.
Ever since Darren left I haven’t been able to find anything.
He took all my clothes to some cleaners.
I’m clueless. Is that clock right?
Yeah. Nine o’clock.
I was supposed to pick up Newman at the zoo twelve hours ago.
Good-bye Kramer.
Jerry, buddy, I got to tell you something.
That voice is played. Really?
So played. I told you.
Darren? What are you doing here? The college canceled the internship.
I don’t care about the internship. I care about Kramerica.
Kramerica is no more.
What about the oil tanker bladder system?
We were going to put an end to maritime oil spills.
Probably. Darren, you go home. Forget about Kramerica.
Well, you’re still here? I haven’t had time to leave.
Well, I haven’t changed my mind.
Well, you are a tenacious little monkey.
Alright, I’ll do it. Kramerica industries lives! Let’s get back to work!
Let’s see what Jerry has to eat.
You win George. We’ve had it.
If you leave right now, Play Now will give you six months pay.
That’s half of your entire contract. Please...just go.
You see if I stay the whole year, I get it all.
Want to play hand ball huh? Fine.
Attention Play Now employees, George
Costanza’s handicapped bathroom is now open
on the sixteenth floor to all employees and their families.
Well played. I’ll see you in hell Costanza.
Clare thanks for giving me a second chance.
Our relationship is certainly worth more than some silly, stupid voice.
Hold on one second. So we definitely don’t want
to do the voice anymore?
Alright, we’re back together again, great. Bye bye.
Hey. Trouble down at the plant?
It’s a tank of oil.
Darren and I are finally going to test out my bladder system.
You have to drink that whole thing?
No. No. No. It’s for oil tankers.
All I need to do is fill some sort of rubber container with oil
and then drop it to see whether or not it can restrain the impact.
I understand Would a giant rubber ball work?
Conceivably.
Well, Play Now has all kinds of different rubber balls.
Why don’t we test your bladder system at my office?
You’re not...
Oh, yes I am. Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty.
Well, there’s nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil.
Hey, you want to split a root beer I don’t think so David, we’re through.
Oh...That’s a nice sweater
Whew that was a dozy.
Go again? Book it.
Witness.
David I know this hurts, but it’s the way it has to be
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.
I’m going to get some popcorn.
So, how did it end?
They got away. uh.
Listen David, I’ve got to run. Can you lend me fifty bucks?
Hey. Did you bring the video camera?
Yeah, I put a six hour tape in.
That should cover the experiment, the arrest,and most of your trial.
Alright, I’ll see ya.
Oh, you might want to stick around Jerry.
Mr. Thomassoulo picked the wrong man
to hire because he was fake handicapped.
I can’t. I got to meet Clare. You gave up the voice?
Yeah, I thought it was stupid. Unless you guys are liking it again.
No. No
Darren? Sorry Mr. Seinfeld.
Uh, bathroom. Hey, use mine. I’ll let you in.
I thought it was open to the public. I uh, took care of that.
Wow! Zanadu . No wonder you’re putting in so many hours. May I?
I insist. I’ll fix us a drink. I got it.
Whew. You know Darren,
if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day
I’d be standing here about to solve the worlds energy problems,
I would’ve said you’re crazy... Now let’s push
this giant ball of oil out the window.
So, check out my view.
Wow! Hey, there’s Clare. I better go down.
Hey, there’s Kramer & Darren.
There’s the giant ball of oil. Clare’s right underneath that thing.
Clare! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o!
I don’t believe this. I am not looking up
if you’re going to do that voice.
Bombs away This is going to be a shame.
Hello. Well, that didn’t work.
Hey, how about this...ketchup and mustard in the same bottle?
Oh that sounds interesting sir. Yeah.
Clare won her lawsuit against Play Now.
Gee, Play Now is filing for bankruptcy.
I guess you’re not going in anymore. No
So they’re not paying you your... No.
So you’re pretty much... Yeah.
What ever happened to Darren?
Darren is going away for a long long time.
So Clare sure looked real funny covered in oil like that...
Hello-o-o-o I got beamed with a giant ball of oil...
I’m slippery as an eel... La la la.
I’m just so glad it’s back.
See, this is good. This is the way it should be.
You know why are we fooling ourselves. We belong together.
I want to break up. Ah nuts!